Pride Parade, a photo blog

all photos courtesy of the great Holland

Maybe Martians Could Do Better Than We've Done?

Yet another one of those EBONY dispatches that isn't related to our EBONY mission. State, on Webster, by DePaul, by McGee's, off of Sheffield, off of Halsted, home of lots of college kids who think they know stuff. Tuesday nights, but not next Tuesday (they're remodeling), State hosts a very competitive Trivia night with an $800 prize for the first place team.

Rick had been there once before, and we had been working on finding a calendar day that would work for Team Silverado to compete again. Last time around they were told their finishing spot was "around 5th" or so. We were hungry to form a solid team that could compete again for a podium spot. What lineup did we field?

Rick, half of ebony, mathematical genius and local news wonk.
Kyle, other half of ebony, voracious consumer of worthless information.
Derek, wise learned Canadian from the north. Also a laywer.
Annie, accomplished musician, the quietly opinionated one.
Kyle's Dad, trivia pursuit master, devourer of historical nonfiction.

State is completely packed, there are 76 teams competing (each team is between 2-8 people). We are huddled into a small spot by the bar.

Round One: General Knowledge
We're feeling good about this one. Questions cover topics such as Pokeysticks, the cast of Saved by the Bell, and the land mass of New Mexico vs Nevada. Somehow we err on two of these questions and end up with 5/7. Not a great start if we want to contend for the title.

Round Two: Movies and Celebs
This one could be a toss-up. If it's tabloid-trivia we're doomed. If it's obscure indie movies we'll clean house. So the questions? Is Aaron Eckhart older than Ben Stiller? (no) What movie starred both Tommy Lee Jones & Cedric The Entertainer? (hell if I know). Who is Britney Spears engaged to? (dammit) What year did Anchorman come out? (we know this!)
Somehow we salvage a 5/8 from this round. 10 points after two rounds, not the start we were hoping for.

Up next? The LIGHTNING ROUND! "In 1:40, write down as many Matt Damon movies as you can"
Prior to the evening a few of us tried to memorize the filmography of several actors (Kathy Bates, Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts, Tom Selleck, Russell Crowe, Jim Carrey, George Clooney). Obviously we guessed wrong.
So we start writing, 10 are down in a hurry. 11, 12, 13 take a little longer. 14 comes, the clock is ticking. 15 and 16 stagger in before we have to run the paper up to the score keeper. 16? Not bad, we think. Later we realize we somehow forgot The Departed, but we did at least write down Eurotrip. The winning score is announced a couple of rounds later as 22. Not far off, but definitely not a winner.

Round 3: Sports
Okay, this one might be where we make up the ground we're missing. The two questions we miss -- An athlete in what professional sport is shown on the cover of the first Sports Illustrated? (it was baseball...i won't reveal our guess). What former Chicago Bull holds the record for most 3 pt-ers made in an NBA Finals game? We immediately gravitate to either MJ (the SHRUG game against Portland?) or Steve Kerr/John Paxson. Neither were right. Congrats to Scottie Pippen.
What did we get correct? I don't even remember at this point. The ones you get right don't leave a mark on your mental pride. 5/7 in this one, 15 points.

Round 4: Baby Names
We're screwed. The MC reads the name of a celebrity baby and you have write down the mother. Somehow we salvage three (children of Gwyneth, Angelina, Nicole Richie). We don't come anywhere close on Christina Aguilera, Tea Leoni, Kate Hudson and Courtney Cox.
Later in the week I would email my mother the baby names, and she immediately replies with "I read People every week and I know every one of these."
Four rounds done, we're sitting on 18 out of a possible 29. We're screwed.

Rather than ditch on the rest of competition we stuck around to see what categories we'd need help on next time we field another Team Silverado.
Round 5: The Visual Round
A sheet of paper is passed out with 7 pictures of cookie types. You have 4 minutes to write down the name of each and turn them into the score keepers. The easy ones? Oreo, Nutter Butter, Milanos, Chips Ahoy, Fig Newtons. The one that took us until 3:30?
"Vanilla Fudge?"
"EL Fudge?"
"Fudge Round?"
"Round Striped Fudge?"
"Striped Fudge?"
"Fudge Stripes!!! WRITE IT DOWN!"
The one we never got? Dunkers. No one knows what the hell a Dunker is.

Still, 6/7 on the visual round. Not bad, we're saving some face here.

Round 6: Music
We're a little worried the absence of Halljams will hinder our performance in this one, those worries were unfounded. The MC plays an 8-10 second snippet of the beginning of the song, you need to write down both the Artist & Song Title. Let me prepare you, dear reader, I'm going to brag a little bit. This was pretty damn easy. I'm going to guess my average time for each track was 1.5 seconds before I had both pieces of information.
1. Wallflowers, "One Headlight"
2. Ben Harper, "Steal My Kisses"
3. Pearl Jam, "Daughter"
4. Sister Hazel, "All For You"
5. Porno For Pyros, "Pets"
6. Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Freebird"
7. LL Cool J, "Round The Way Girl"

Finally, my time-honed ability to cycle through 18 radio stations in 10 seconds pays off. I don't think they could've pick a series of radio-friendly songs that were any more in my wheelhouse from late High School-era music consumption.
7/7, we get at least one perfect round on the evening. After 6 rounds, our total is 31 out of 43. So we're getting a little better, maybe the last round will get us somewhere close to the top 3.

Round 7: Ball Busters
General Knowledge again, this time they're supposed to be harder. This time they were harder. We completely bombed this category and produced a measly two points. The open wound of 5 incorrect answers still stings, I don't even want to get into it here. So we end up with a weak 33 out of 50. We've also had 3 pitchers of some crap beer like Bud Light, so the evening has been a dissapointment on several levels.

Inquiring as to our finish place, they tell us we were "around 10th or 12th". I suspect they give everyone a finish position about 10 spots higher than it actually is in order to entice a return trip. Well, they've enticed a return trip.

My dad won't be around for future rounds, but we've got a couple of ideas about who our best quality additions could be. Perhaps if we ever place I'll write another trivia recap. Otherwise you won't have to read about these mediocre performances again.

**PHOTOS added to the previous post.

Maybe if you gave me some positive reinforcement I would play better

February is under way kids and EBONY had a productive week. It was a typical Saturday (aside from the unseasonably warm day) of a long run in the morning followed by a lazy early-afternoon of drinking Intelligentsia, having a bowl of cereal and watching the original 90210 on the Soap Channel. 3:30 rolls around and we meet Baumer, Holland, Holland's buddy from Boston (formally know as the Diddler), BSwerve and Adam at Paddy Long's. Based on the facade we assumed it would be an Irish bar, but there is a definite German twist to it with the selection of beers and the Oompa band going on at 5. I have a Cooper's and a London Pride and am entertained by Adam's coaster flip trick (see the vid on our FB fan page). We also learn that Adam's goal as a child was to be a magician. Some how he ended up at Blue Cross though. Bravo Adam, bravo. Chenoweth and Beth show up at the 11th hour and we take off.

Next stop was planned to be Uncle Fatty's. Uncle Fatty's is one of those bars for some reason you hate since the first time you see it (we also feel this way about Prost). But the bar wasn't open yet and we move on to Vaughn's. BSwerve says Vaughn's is a hidden gem, but we beg to differ. We are at Vaughn's briefly, the only memorable portion of it was the two huskies greeting us at the bar when we walk in. And by huskies we mean the dog, not those with a weight issue. We have one drink there and try to go Uncle Fatty's again. But of course UF is not destined for us and we end up at Soprano's. Soprano's is mostly an upscale Italian restaurant but there is a small bar to the side. We are easily the loudest people in the joint, and this includes the large kids party in the restaurant. After a having a drink there and discussing the religious undertones in The Wrestler we try Fatty's one last time. Apparently the third time is indeed the charm and we enter the 'Rum Resort.' The only redeeming factor of this bar is the two courts of bags inside of it, and I hate playing bags. Of course Kyle and I absolutely dominate and go 4-0, this includes coming back from being down 12-0 to Chenoweth and Beth and take home the victory. Each game was met with a friendly bet of a round of drinks, so we leave the bar with 1 free round and have 3 more to come.

The conclusion of the evening comes at Matilda. We planned on closing the night here as the FF party was going off at 6:30. We show up un-fashionably late and are greeted by many of our closest friends (too many to mention, sorry guys, maybe you should have made an effort to meet us out earlier). We each get a free drink ticket from Mark and the 3 that are owed to us from playing bags and the evening escalates. Kyle is full-blown on the surly bus and provides never ending entertainment for the crowd. I make the amazing decision to go to bed at 9:30 and feel great the next morning, Kyle can't say the same.

Where would I be? I'd be a Warrior, a Warrior

First, lets do the numbers ( it's reverse of how NPR does it, but this isn't NPR).

Some stats, we're 8.3% of the way through the year and we've hit roughly 14% of the bars on our list already. This is good news, as free weekends will be few and far between as the days begin to warm up this spring and summer. I doubt we'll have back-to-back Saturdays with 8 bars each again this year. Concerts, weddings, races, vacations and common sense will start getting in the way. We'd like to thank those of you who have helped us so far along the way: both of my brothers - for their encouragement and suggestions; Derek - who acts as our unpaid consultant; Hall - for always managing to stay classy; Annie - for not telling us that this is a ridiculous idea.

As promised -- the January Leaderboard!

We have a four way tie for 3rd place -- visiting all of 6 bars with us...Selfy, Isler, Costello & Chenoweth! Congrats fellas. You will get complementary EBONY matchbooks. They're in the mail, probably lost. Call your post office to check up on 'em.

Coming in second place, with an impressive showing of 10 bars and already the clubhouse leader with multiple entries into the EmptyBlogOfNothing Quote Hall of Fame...Hall! Way to go Halljams. Best of luck in the Boston Marathon if you manage to keep this pace up.

No big surprise on the winner here if you've been following our trials and tribulations...but it's a huge shock to us considering we didn't even know this guy until after we had visited our first bar of the year. Coming in with a grand total of 13 bars (would've been 14 if he had spent more time at Rose's)...Internet Celebrity Baumer! I'm not making this up when I say the monthly superfan will probably end up with an EmptyBlogOfNothing t-shirt once I get them made. The rest of you will have to pay.

So there you go...the gauntlet has been thrown. If you want the spoils of February start showing up.

And finally, a plea.

We'd like to think that during these times of economic hardship our mission at EBONY is acting as a local micro-economic stimulus package, however minute it might be. We're doing what we can with our expendable income to pump it back into our local surroundings, recirculating the monetary funds to support those who provide us with entertainment and liver damage. It's important that we, as Americans, support our local watering holes -- even if you do have 170 of them. If your streetcorner tavern shuts it's doors the battle will surely be lost, surrendered to the evil forces of corruption and all that is wrong with the world. Now, not every bar I enter is going to agree completely with me, but that's what the free market is for. Through diversity we achieve great things, our differences will unite us. There are enough of us here to drink the available spirits, and there are enough different bars to house all of us. So to you -- the preps & punks, young & old, gay & straight, country & western, alkies & winos, cubs & sox, the carnivores & herbivores, the bluetools, the young professionals, the unemployed, the underemployed, hooligans & beatniks, club kids, pool sharks, and karaoke stars -- venture out of your homes, don't drink in solitude by the fireplace! The cold bleakness of winter cannot be battled alone -- it must be fought with your comrades. Do not go softly into the gray recession, we must fight it together side by side, barstool by barstool, pint to pint! Raise your glasses and sing together -- we shall overcome! We, the denizens of the night, the drinkers of the day, the champions of the club! The Masters of Consumption and Double-Shots for Everyone! Forty-thousand, counting affiliates, and twenty-thousand more, not organized, but ready to drink: 60,000 soldiers! CAN YOU DIG IT???!!!

We are still here! Today, let us send a message to that army. Tonight, let us shake this cave. Tonight, let us tremble these halls of earth, steel, and stone, let us be heard from red core to black sky. Tonight, let us make them remember, THIS IS ZION AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID!

Sorry...got a little carried away there. Drink responsibly and make sure you can walk home. Shake that cave.

make it rain!

For knocking only 6 bars off the list yesterday, this was probably the most Kyle and I have had to drink for an EBONY event, so needless to say today was a pretty lazy day. Official welcomes go out to Annie, Lazicki, BSwerve and Chenoweth for making it out with us. I'm only including these four as they made it out to at least 2 bars with us yesterday. Soon enough we'll have a ranking system up on the blog for who has made it to the most bars with us. Baumer, don't worry, you're easily in the lead at 13. When telling Hall this, he said "Baumer will be writing the blog by October." As for other top quotes of the day, these were in the notebook (others were taken down, but I'm embarrassed to post them on the internet):

"Where do you think we are, Wicker Park? We don't serve PBR around here." - bartender at Redmond's, probably my least favorite bar in the city

"For having 20 beers on tap, they have one of the worst selections ever." - Chenoweth

"....Silverado!" - Hall

"It's a defect, not a disease."

"I want hetero sex."

Best (and only) ChaCha response of the day: "The Rolling Stones song "Play With Fire" is that song that is beautifully done in Darjeeling Limited."

Best Text Response: "Tell Hall to quit his whining." - Holland

And if you say run, I'll run with you

The day began strangely -- we witnessed what almost escalated into a parking lot fight at the drive thru of the Chase across the street. An older man (maybe mid-60s?) was screaming at the top of his lungs at a similarly aged couple who had their dog with them. I quote, "I said I'm sorry!! WHY ARE YOU TREATING ME LIKE I'M A %&*$ING CRIMINAL!!!" This continued for 30-40 seconds. We couldn't really figure out what happened but eventually they must've figured out it was a beautiful snowy winter day in Chicago and they should enjoy it instead of spending time shouting at each other in a parking lot.

So we continued to The Union, a Big Ten sports bar. Walking in we were greeted by an empty room and a dog loudly barking at us. Of the 7 people in the bar we were the only paying customers and the only 2 who were not friends of the owner. I ordered a Blue Moon (without the orange, I don't need fruit in my beer), and was quickly reminded that I don't actually like Blue Moon. Jimmy Buffet's greatest hits album was playing on a loop. That I was able to detect this should signal that we spent too much time at The Union.

Heading south to the Irish Corner, (Halsted & Diversey, a title I've only bestowed upon that intersection just now as I type this) we stopped into Harrigans to meet some friends. This is your standard Irish bar, nothing spectacular about it. The bartender struggled with a coffee machine for several seconds (and actually called someone on the phone for assistance) before serving us a few glasses of strangely priced Three Floyd's Alpha King. There was no music playing, just the broadcast feed of the first NFL playoff game today. We were soon joined by Internet Celebrity Baumer, a sick-yet-still-visionary Holland, and the surprise arrival of Costello and Isler.

Needing food we hit another member bar of the Irish Corner, Trinity. Trinity has $3 Guinness...ALL THE TIME. We picked the right day and the right bar to hit up for food -- cheeseburgers were also on special for $3. These aren't the thin patty mini burger almost sliders they have on special at The Northpark Tap (extra $1 for cheese), these are real standard sized cheeseburgers that come with a large serving of waffle fries. I ate two of them.

Friend of the Blog Selfy eventually showed up, making his first of what will be many mentions in these pages. Laura, our bartender who looks a little like Alison Lohman (pictured), pretended to be interested in our conversations...conversations that included Isler's claim that he could walk across the United States in 2 weeks.

Heading south again we walked into a sparsely populated Victory Liquors. This is a Notre Dame bar that replaced former pool hall The Corner Pocket. Our reserved VIP area (it wasn't a reserved VIP area) featured one of those Boxer machines. Basically these things are an easy way to rid a group of competitive males of the singles in their wallets without employing poles, women or a bad dj. For the low low price of a dollar bill you get one punch on the speed bag, the power of your punch is displayed. Top to bottom, our rankings: Selfy, Costello, Kyle, Ricky, Isler, Internet Celebrity Baumer

A group of meatheads showed up and quickly put about $10 into the machine...one of them claiming he held the record on the machine at another bar. He never came close to the record on this one. Also, there's a video of Costello head-butting the boxing bag that'll be uploaded eventually (check the facebook page linked below). His score after the forehead impact was significantly lower than any of our punching results, leading to a discussion of the usefulness of the headbutt in combat (pro - suprise, useful in close quarters; con - headache).

The Grand Central is across the street from where we used to live. We used to hit up the All-You-Can-Eat brunch buffet here on the weekends after winter long runs, then they raised the price (presumably because 8 skinny runners would show up every weekend and each fill 5 plates worth of food...but probably not).

Rick and our waitress had the following exchange:
What's your name?
Yana
With a K or a J?
With a Y.

The GC is also the place that caused the end of a previous brief relationship for Selfy. The message she left him, in reference to a night spent at the GC, "It's your dancing. It's all over the place and it's not good."

So speaking of dancing, we're greeted with David Bowie upon our entrance to Chi-Town Tap. Based on the acquaintance that Internet Celebrity Baumer was trying to make it was apparent that the spoils of this bar crawl were affecting him far more than the rest of us. Whoever pumped some money into the jukebox gave us a surprisingly good run of tunes (Interpol, Radiohead, Kings of Leon, Ramones, Strokes). The tall glasses of Bass were on special here for $3. For reasons unknown, Isler remarks, "On a scale of 1 to 10, you guys are sweet!"

Rose Bar is possibly the best dive bar in Chicago (The Queen of Dive bars, maybe?). Really, there's little to no effort put forth here...it's a haphazard collection of mismatched furniture, glasses and patrons. If you order 3 of the same beer there's a good chance you'll get 3 different glasses. An older man drinking by himself broke into The Music Man's "Ya Got Trouble" when we walked in the door. Internet Celebrity Baumer showed up late, announced that "it smells like body odor in here" and we left.

Strangely enough, this was on the wall at Rose Bar, not Delilah's

For our last stop, Selfy, Rick, Internet Celebrity Baumer and I hit up one of our favorite places in Chicago (bar or otherwise), Delilah's. There's always an interesting crowd, a superb selection of drinks, great music (be it a themed night or just the jukebox), strange things playing on the televisions (old Batman episodes in this case), and the art on the walls is for sale and frequently changes (a selection of Elvis paintings tonight). I wish I had remembered to take a picture of their sign out front...oh well, I'll be back here again. The Batman episode must've been a good one -- top tier criminals The Joker, The Riddler, The Penguin and Catwoman were all featured. I don't know how often this happened in the series, but it must've been significant. Somehow I put $5 into the jukebox at 9:30 and my songs immediately began. This will probably never happen again.

Delilah's

Thanks to the idea of sick visionary Holland, we've put together a Facebook group that'll house more pictures, comments, etc. You can find it HERE

what's your malfunction besides alcohol?

i'll leave the full recap to Kyle, but here are my brief notes from last night:

The Union:

- the owner smoking inside the bar, the owners dog named Caesar hangs out in the bar, watching the Illini Alumni basketball game and not seeing Damir Krupalija

Harrigans:

- "blogs by nature are full of nothing, and yours actually acknowledges it." - Holland

Trinity:

- Laura, our bartender being very impressed w/ our resolution - you better be reading this!, and Kyle telling her he can get her running shoes if she wanted any

Victory Liquors:

- taking on the punching bag machine and seeing Baumer not doing much better than Costello head butting it

Grand Central:

- Kyle, Selfy and myself going to our old apartment to see our neighbors dog Hercules, only to learn they moved and Kyle telling the new tenant "You ruined our fun"

-throwing tater tots

Chi-Town Tap:

- nothing too out of the ordinary here, just Baumer putting more effort than necessary on to his new friend

Rose Bar:

- noticing in a single glance that there are at least 11 different types of chairs in this bar

Delilah's:

- drinking some Changs, and me burping it up 14 hours later on my run.

so far we have accomplished our January quota, so we're off to a good pace - which helps since i'll be out of town next weekend, although the following weekend is my birthday, so i'm sure a handful will be crossed off then.